Open your ears make your mark!

 

“This is it! My birthday gift to you, a new car!”

She smiled, laughed and started planning, a whole week to look, see, feel en test drive to make the big decision. What is smelling better than a rose? The inside of a brand new car!

 We walked into the first dealer, “What is your price limit?”

“$25 000.”

He gave a deep sigh and rolled his eyes, fumbled amongst his papers dragging out a glossy magazine. Then bent over the table with his pen on the technical detail reciting it from horsepower to fuel consumption. At last reluctantly asked, “Shall we go on a test drive?”

So it went on and on from Mitsubishi to Mercedes, Tata to Toyota and Hyundai to Honda. All exactly the same story. Then we landed at John, “What work do you do?”

“I am a doctor’s receptionist.”

“Really, what a job! Tell me more, do you enjoy it?”

“I love it!” she replied. The two chatted and laughed for another half an hour helping each other with domestic challenges. All while totally ignoring the guy with the purse.

“How far do you drive every day?”

“Ag, less than ten kilometers to the work, then gym, shops and back home.”

“Fitness freak as well!” and we had a good laugh.

“My suggestion is that you pick a white car for safety in this dangerous city. It must have airbags and double locking devices. Let’s take a look.”

She got in touched everything and smiled all the way.

“Shall we go for a test drive?”

“No, not necessary, where do I sign?” Bravo Mazda!

Winston Churchill said, “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is what it takes to sit down and listen.”

To communicate is to listen before we talk. Successful persuasion is done by talking less than 30%. When meeting a person follow the following steps:

• Invite to help, “May I help you?”
• Ask her story, “where did you grew up? And then?”
• Reformulate what you hear. “You mean?”, “I hear you say that …?” or, “When you said this and that is seems to be …”
• Do not give immediate responses or advice. Hold back and rather respond and reflect.
• Use simple words as buzzwords like “Synergy”, “Enterprise”, “Paradigm shift” etc. means nothing. Talk as if we are both sixteen.
• Defer all judgement. No critique, only building upon what we hear.
• Put yourself in her or his shoes. How would it be to be her?

How we listen is even more important. Look into her eyes for about ten seconds. Have a large sheet and draw pictures while she talks and reflect on it.

Avoid tables if possible. Sit opposite the person. Hands open, distractions avoided, phone switched off. Nod your head and smile. While she talks, make noises like, “Uh.”

Epictetus told us, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”

It is difficult as talk is easy yet to make a mark, get trust and cooperation, listen, listen and listen.

Reference:

Wickham, S.A. and Campbell, C. (2003) An analysis of how Carl Rogers enacted client-centered conversation with Gloria, Journal of counselling and development, pp.178-184